What the fuck was that last night? You’re going to tell me that a guy who hasn’t played a major league game since Oct. 7 is the only one that is able to figure out Tim Hudson? TIM FUCKING HUDSON? “But Bronny, Tim Hudson is 7-4 this year with a 3.54 era and…” I don’t give a shit. The guy threw 79 pitches in 7 innings. And about 1/3 of his pitches were balls, so it’s not like he was going all Cliff Lee on everyone and just pounding the strike zone like Ryan Howard anger-pounded his smokin fiance (see below) last night after he experienced the frustration we’ve all been feeling all year. They don’t call him “The Big Piece” for nothing, people. If that girl can walk today, it’s a miracle.
But back to the Phillies. Something about this year doesn’t seem right. It’s like Tony LaRussa or that stupid fucking squirrel put some weird voodoo curse on our boys. They either pitch like Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year – if you haven’t seen that movie, your childhood was awful and you’re probably a douche because of it) and hit like the shitty new kid from Sandlot, or they pitch like they’re playing slow pitch softball and hit like they’re all seeing Freddie Galvis’ “trainer”. Can’t ever get the two to happen on the same night. And don’t even get me started on the bullpen. Seriously, I’m not even going to talk about it.
I’m almost ready to throw in the towel on this year. I’m not going to stop watching or paying attention to them though, because I’m not that type of guy and I’m definitely not that type of fan. If I can stick with them through the Rico Brogna/Robert Person/Amaury Telemaco years, I can stick with them through anything. Just prepare yourselves for the sellout streak to end, plenty of room to chase foul balls in empty seats, shitty minor league-esque promotions, and 3 dollar lower-level tickets on StubHub again.
PS – Arts Fest is next weekend. There’s still some good in the world.
