Editor’s Note: This is written by Penn State’s wildest chick, @slut_it_up, giving us the best sex articles from a female’s perspective.
Without further ado, Here are the Pros and Cons of Hometown Hook-Ups:
It’s that time of year again, Thanksgiving break! Other schools have some “fall break” bullshit, but for Penn State students this is most likely the first time the majority of us will be heading home. This week-long visit stirs up the complicated topic of hometown hookups. In my book, hooking up should never be complicated, but when it comes to people in your town who you’ve known since high school, maybe even elementary school, shit can get a little weird. So I’ve come up with “the pros and cons of hometown hookups.” These aren’t guidelines, they aren’t rules, just my opinions about the situation, it’s a topic that needs to be discussed from the viewpoint of a slut.
1. It’s exciting!
Hooking up with someone from home is EXCITING. It’s something you’ve probably been thinking about while you were away and having sex with someone you haven’t seen in a long time is always amazing. It’s that pulse racing, clothes ripping, never-felt-better-than-this kind of sex that everyone looks forward to. If you’re like me and haven’t been home at all during the fall semester, that’s almost three months without being with this person. I know when I finally get down to doing the dirty with my “hometowner” my heart is about to beat out of my chest and (I don’t want to get too graphic here), but let’s just say it’s some of the best orgasms you’ll ever have.
2. It’s convenient.
Pro number 2, hometown hookups are CONVENIENT. You’re both home for one week. You’re both horny, and you’ve already had sex before. So why not take a ride over to his place at 2 a.m. to get what you know is waiting for you? You’re both gonna be gone in 6 days and won’t see each other for a while. It’s the perfect situation.
3. No walk of shame.
Full access to your car and no worries about parking means NO WALK OF SHAME. Not everyone brings their car up to school with them, but most of us have unlimited access to one at home. This means you can sneak over to your fuck buddy’s house, do your thing, and drive your ass home as soon as you’re done. No cuddling, no sleeping in til 6:30 a.m. and getting out by 7. Bing, bang, boom, and you’re done. I’ll say it again, perfect situation, especially for the lazy slut like myself.
4. You won’t see him any time soon.
Well this doesn’t really apply to Thanksgiving break since we’ll be home in like 2 weeks, but after winter and summer breaks you’re going to be in school for MONTHS without seeing them. This is perfect for keeping emotional connections at a minimum and moving on with your life. I’m always saying sex does not have to be such an intense emotional experience. Yes it can be nice when it is that way, but when you’re doing it with someone that you only see a couple times a year and you’re NOT dating, leave it that way. NO commitment, NO feelings, NO regrets. Use the time apart to do you, and don’t worry about your hometown hookup until you return home again.
You’re getting banged by the kid who wouldn’t give you the time of day in high school or maybe the ex boyfriend of some bitch who you’ve hated since seventh grade when she made fun of your braces. Either way, you’re coming back home from Penn State. Penn fucking State, where the ginormous hills have toned your ass tighter than it’s ever been, you can hold your own at any party and your “I’m hotter than every girl in this place” mentality will bring any deuchebag from high school to their knees before you. Be proud, be confident, and do your thing all over the hometown scene.
6. King Sized Beds
One of my constant hookups at school has a king size bed (hence why I keep him around) but I’d say it is not common for college guys to have a nice big bed. So while you’re home, you have to take advantage. I know not ALL guys have huge beds at home, but hopefully you’ll scope out one that does and take full advantage of that shit. At one point at Penn State, I hooked up with this kid for a month that slept in a fucking bunk bed. A BUNK BED, it was awful, I can’t even talk about it, but the only thing I could think of every time we hooked up was “oh the things we could do in a king sized bed.” So ladies, do yourselves a favor and find a guy with a big ass bed and do everything you wish you could be doing while stuck in a twin in State College.
1. Everyone knows about it.
And now on to our first con, everyone you know is going to know about it. You’re gonna tell your friends, he’s gonna tell his friends and sooner or later the barista at Starbucks who sat next to you in homeroom freshman year is going to be whispering to her co-workers about you. It’s a risk you have to be willing to take. I don’t care how big or small your town is, you’re not going to be able to keep this under wraps, and if you have, fucking teach me your ways cause you should probably start your own promiscuous twitter account.
2. Your best friend hooked up with him.
Being realistic here, somewhere along the 8+ years that you’ve known this person, they have probably dated or hooked up with one of your friends or at least an acquaintance. That being said, everyone knew about your friend hooking up with your boy in high school, and now you’re getting the sloppy seconds/thirds/fourths, whatever. It sucks and no one wants to be thought of as someone’s second choice. Yet again, another risk you’ve gotta be willing to take, but I’d say it’s worth it.
3. The feeling of being back in high school.
You know in high school when you would hook up with someone on the football team after the game on Friday night and by Monday everyone was calling you a slut and half the girls hated you? Yeah… be prepared for that all over again. These first three cons all go together because everyone knowing about it means everyone will talk about it and some of the shit talk is bound to get back to you. It’s improbable to think that everyone will just say “whatever” and carry on. People love a good story about an unlikely duo hooking up over Thanksgiving break. High school drama should be left in high school, but this is reality, and people are going to talk. I say FUCK IT and let people say what they want, have fun and do what you want. J
4. Emotional connection.
This can be applied to both parties; however I’m hoping for your sake that HE is the one who’s obsessed with YOU and not the other way around. This guy has your number, and therefore can contact you at any time. You need to establish the ground rule that this is strictly a “T-giving/winter/spring/summer break thing” and nothing else. Otherwise you’re going to be receiving texts every week like “hey how’s school going?” “I really wish you were at this party with me tonight” “can’t wait til spring break” and other such DUMB ASS TEXTS implying how desperate he is. For the fourth time, it’s a serious risk, so lay down the law, and on the flip side… DO NOT BE THAT GIRL. Don’t you dare think about texting him anything after you’ve gotten back to school. It’s desperate, it’s pointless, just please do me a favor and THINK before you text.
5. Awkward small talk.
You guys haven’t seen each other in a while, but get real; you both know you’re only there for one reason. Never the less, when you first walk in you have to ask things like “how’s school going?” and “what’s your major again?” and it’s awkward, but necessary. Then once the preliminary info has been discussed you can attack each other like wild animals. But the worst part of all is when you’re finished. All you wanna do is get up, say “that was great”, and peace the fuck out, but that is unrealistic. So you’re forced to lay there and talk about your Thanksgiving/Christmas traditions, give a little peck, then leave about a half hour later than you had planned. Ugh, in a perfect world we could all be cold and rude and ditch his ass right away, but even I know that’s never gonna happen, womp.
The biggest inconvenience… EVER. When at home, you have to wait for your parents to go to bed before your boy/girl can come over and do the nasty. You have to be quiet sneaking them in, quiet while fucking, and quiet while sneaking them out. At least this is how it is for me and for the guy I hook up with at home. I don’t know if everybody’s house is like this, but parents are a huge hindrance in my hometown hookup situation. One time my fuck buddy’s mom was so close to finding me in his bed, alone, in lingerie. I almost fucking shit myself. I know I’m afraid of what my parents would do if I was ever caught, I can’t even imagine being caught by this guy’s mom. Oof. So BE CAREFUL… and never get caught by his parents, ever.
Have a fun turkey break my friends, live it, love it, fuck it.
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