This is a guest post from our boy who wishes to be known only as – The Zohan.
Coming off of arguably the most decimating weekend in Philly sports history, I desperately needed something to get me through this terrible week (Dear Professors, fuck you and your classes).
From my many previous experiences with Philly sports depression, I realized that I needed to stop planning how I was going to murder Cody Ross in a Luca Brazi style, and move on. I would have to put aside the fact that I was in the Jethro lot tailgating all day Saturday, only to watch Big Ry watching strike 3. Fortunately, it didn’t take long until I came across something that made me tingle in my pants, almost as much as my Top 5 life changing “firsts”:
5. Meeting Sal Fasano
4. Hearing The Beatles for the first time
3. Losing my V-Card
2. They say having your first kid is kinda important…so I guess I’ll save this spot?
1. And of coarse, the first time I saw Sloane on Entourage
Anywho, during the Eagles game yesterday (but still before Kolb made me want to burn a truck load of kittens), I got a text from my friend simply saying “Leighton’s new mask.” So obviously, I had to check it out. But, before I continue, I’ll let all the overly-pessimistic, self-loathing, WIP-whining, “Philly Phans”, get all their typically retarded “Leighton blew the series”, and “Leighton is garbage” comments out now.
In all seriousness, whether you like the guy or not, Michael Leighton’s new goalie mask is the epitome of legendary. It is an ultimate tribute to the 1970’s Broad Street Bullies, in the form of a painted masterpiece that could qualify to be in the Philly Art Museum. It pays homage to the team that both dominated and terrorized the league for a decade, won consecutive Stanley Cups, and literally made the NHL double the size of its rule book.
Starting at the top, there’s a simple image of a band-aid covering cracks that are painted onto the mask. As your eyes slide down the mask, you see the iconic toothless smile of Bobby Clarke next to an accolade to Bernie Parent in his old school, white, gonna machete your face off, Friday the 13th mask.. But it wasn’t until I got to the left side of the mask, where I realized that I should probably take my hand off my Jimmy and honor what I saw.
On the top there is a beautiful (which for the record, I use this word sparingly and strictly for classy dimes rated 9.25 and higher) portrait of Dave Schultz grappling up a ref after one of his many, many fights. Below that there is a huge flyers logo with Schultzie’s mug (from the infamous Philadelphia magazine cover) engraved in the shadowing black tail of the flying P. To finish off this work of genius, “Leights” is inscribed on the chin in a fuckin bad-ass graffiti font. Even though Leighton won’t return from his back surgery until mid- November, this epic mask reminded me of something very important. IT’S FUCKIN FLYERS SEASON BABY!
Our Eastern Conference champs made it to Game 6 of the Stanley Cup that they had no business being in, in the first place. While everyone wrote us off, we kept bending our opponents over and showing them just how powerful Philly really is. So keep your heads up Philly fans! Hold your pride during this Philly sports-storm of shit. Because if Leighton comes back and plays even half as well as his mask looks, then we will surely be crying tears of joy when he triumphantly raises up Lord Stanley’s cup……and then later, as he drunkenly pisses in it like the true Flyboy legends of old.
- The Zohan